I just found this poem I wrote a few years ago, and thought I may as well put it on my blog for everyone to chuckle at. I don't pretend it's wonderful poetry...just pretend it rhymes.

Here goes.

Danny was a mighty boy who thought he was a man.
He had a steady banking job and went by the name "Dan".
Well the year was 1849, and as we've all been told,
The only thing to do just then was go and dig for gold.

Danny hung around a while and tried not to give in,
For to leave a steady banking job would surely be a sin,
But man is only human, and Danny was no more,
So he spent his hard-earned savings at he nearest dry-goods store.

He bought himself a shovel, a pick axe, and a mule,
A wagon load of jerky and a life's supply of gruel.
He bid his folks a fond farewell, yet not a tear shed he,
Dreaming only of the riches and adventure he would see.

The journey was a headache, the food not to his taste,
The ground too hard to sleep on, the men rude and un-chaste.
They thought themselves a riot when their jokes were only corny,
But things like this must be endured when you're off to Californy.

Finally young Dan arrived and found a place to dig,
But hardly had he started when he struck gold. It was big,
It was marvelous, stupendous, Dan knew he was set for life.
He could go home, buy a mansion, a new house, and a wife.

He packed up in a hurry, and soon was headed East.
This time he went in style, he could afford a coach at least.
He stopped at his old bank, his riches in a bag,
To make a grand deposit, and, of course, to brag.

His old boss leaned back in his chair, trying not to smile,
And said, "my boy, I realize you've been gone quite a while,
But when all's said and when all's told,
What you've got there, boy, is fool's gold."


The end.

Turtle Trouble

This was an icebreaker assignment I had in English class last year. You are supposed to guess what random object I'm talking about. The first person to guess it right who is not a member of my family wins glory, honor, and respect.

Here goes:

Perhaps the most interesting of all the creatures I came into contact with during my Earth-mission was a sort of odd, turtle-like creature. It was smaller than my earthling’s shoe, was covered with a hard, black shell, and had a long, skinny tail. It’s glowing red eyes frightened me at first, because they were unlike any eyes I had ever seen. They were always changing shape, and never blinked or slept! I think my earthling thought it was dangerous. At any rate, he anchored its forked tail into the wall so it wouldn’t escape.
After a while, I discovered that the little turtle was unlike any turtle I had ever seen. Every morning it tried to communicate with a shrill cry, stopping only when the earthling whacked it on the top of it’s shell. The earthling would then rush off to work, leaving me to try to comfort the poor turtle. It was unresponsive. Perhaps its tail was uncomfortable crammed into the wall like that.
I began to feel sorry for the poor creature, pleading for mercy every day only to be slapped for it’s pains. So, late one night, I released its long, forked tail from the wall.
The poor little thing dropped off to sleep at once, it’s glowing red eyes closed in peaceful slumber. It must have been very tired. I slept well that night, knowing I had done the right thing.
Late the next morning, the little turtle creature was still sleeping comfortably, but this time I received a rude awakening from the earthling stomping all over the house and yelling. Apparently he had overslept and was late for work, but I don’t see how that could have been my fault.
Tomorrow I go back to Mars. The earthlings are too quarrelsome for my taste.

Kid Calvin and I nearly found the fourth floor the other day. We were were wandering around the Y again on our usual top-secret mission, and we found a staircase we hadn't noticed before. At first the staircase was rather unremarkable, but as we went up it started looking shabbier and less like a place we were supposed to be exploring. Everything was dusty, slabs of paint were peeling off of the walls, and there were no lights. It was the lack of lights that finally freaked the Calvin kid out to the point where he actually said he wanted to turn back. It was fine with me, because I had a sneaky suspicion that we really weren't supposed to be there. So we sat on a bench looking down at the pool, and Kid Calvin started talking about all the fantastic things that were on the elusive fourth floor. Besides monsters, he said that there is likely a big pot of gold that was put up there years and years ago but that everyone has forgotten about. I pointed out that if I had a pot of gold I wouldn't put it up on a fourth floor because if there was a fire it would all melt, and that a safe at a bank would be a better spot for it, and anyway, the most logical spot for a pot of gold was the end of a rainbow. He didn't quite agree, and said that putting gold at the end of a rainbow is way too obvious. Then he wanted to try again and go all the way up, light or no light, but Bethany the stick-in-the-mud said no. I'm so lame.

We have had the most interesting conversations on that bench. An example:

Me: "Look at all those people swimming. Don't they look like they're having fun?"

Calvin Kid: "Why is that dude so fat?"

Me (thinking fast): "Umm...he's swimming in a t-shirt, and it makes him look bigger than he really is."


Moving right along...

Yesterday Paul gave me my first motorcycle ride, and today he gave me my second. It's wonderful! I always thought that it would be at least a little frightening to zoom along so fast with no walls between you and everything else, but really, it's more like flying than anything else. You actually experience travel in a way that is impossible otherwise. You don't just look at the scenery, you're in it. Plus, the joy of being the passenger is that you don't have to do anything but enjoy the ride. And it helps if you really enjoy the company of whoever's driving... : )

The amazing saga of Melvin the Mole is brought to an end

You will all be happy to know that Melvin has been rescued and is now blissfully roaming the woods next to the park a few blocks down from my house. You will all be disappointed to know that Melvin didn't turn out to be the fine upstanding citizen you would expect from something so cute and fuzzy-looking. He swore like a sailor when I grabbed him. I had no idea that moles could make so much noise!! It was a shrill, rather chirpy sound. Very choice language in molespeak, I'm sure. Then he tried to bite me. Thankfully I was wearing gloves, so you can all rest assured that I won't be dying from mole-flu, or turning into a mutant mole-woman. That would be rather cool, actually. Like spider-man, except that I could terrorize entire neighborhoods by tearing up their yards in three seconds flat. Bwa-ha-haa...

To pick up where I left off, yes, I have changed majors. All of you probably know that I enjoy decorating cakes, so a culinary arts degree seemed like just the thing. I've been attempting to thwart fate for quite some time, first choosing one major and then another, but nothing stuck very long because what I actually LIKE to do is decorate cakes. It will be weird to not go to U-Rock anymore. I've really gotten used to that place. I'm friends with quite a few of the professors, and even the dean. Going to a school where I'm just another face will take some getting used to. *Sigh* But I've heard good things about the program, and I'm looking forward to it.

Finally, the last new thing during the past two weeks is that I'm volunteering mornings at the Y's summer camp. Way back when I was going to be a teacher I was going to need documented hours with children. I don't need them anymore, but I'm still doing it for fun. I pretty much just draw pictures for the kids to color in, and make friendship bracelets and bead animals for them. They've gradually figured out that I'm not much good at dodgeball and such. So, all the boys hang out in one half of the gym and play sports, and all the girls hang out in the other half and do crafts. I have a following of about six girls between the ages of seven and eight who have formed a sort of Bethany fan club. It's very nice to have cute little kids wanting to sit on your lap and being sad when you leave.
There is this one little boy who all the other kids think is crazy and don't want to talk to. I can't blame them too much, because when he isn't sitting all by himself in the corner he is trying to bite them in the bouncy house. Anyway, for some reason he's decided that I'm his favorite counselor, and we wander all over the Y, exploring the "enemy's headquarters'. You have to read Calvin and Hobbes to really understand this kid. He "shoots" at whoever walks by, uses all kinds of military-sounding phrases, and is generally in his own little world. I gained admittance somehow, and we explore enemy headquarters together. The only difference between us is that I try to stop him from shooting all the innocent Y members on their way to their workout classes. His mission is to find the fourth floor, because the elevator stops at the second floor. So we go up random staircases till we find closed doors, and try the elevator again and again, just in case it decides to work this time. No such luck.

Kids say the funniest things. A few examples:

Kid #1: "I've killed, like, a million spiders."

Kid #2: (horrified gasp) "What?! Why!?! Spiders have dreams too!!!"

I honestly had no idea that spiders had dreams. They must be very gross, buggy dreams.

Another example of funny kids is the time I took my Calvin kid and another little girl on a Y-wander. We came upon a walking track balcony overlooking the gym, but a chain was stretched over the door with a "closed" sign on it. Well, we sat there for a while, because the kids wanted to sit and look in, and poke their heads in as far as I'd let them. Soon a woman came up and took the chain off the door. The kids got excited, and asked her if they could go in now. She said no, you had to be 16 to enter the walking track. They were bummed. Dejectedly, we exited the scene. On the way down the hall, we met a grandmotherly lady on her way to the walking track. The Calvin kid was kind enough to inform her that she needed to be 16 to enter. She didn't seem to think it would be a problem for her.

Well, that's all for now. Toodle-pip!!

Here are a few random pictures just to prove that I kid you not.

Dear loyal and devoted blog followers,

Since I last posted, three main things have happened in my life. Listed in order of importance, they are as follows:

1.) Paul started dating me

2.) I changed majors

3.) I started working mornings at the YMCA's summer camp

I really don't think I'll have enough time to cover everything in great detail tonight, but I promised Kiwi that I'd post something so I'll get as far as I can. To start with, I am now Paul's girlfriend. Needless to say, this has been probably the very best two weeks of my life so far. We get together for coffee almost every day, and he even took me shooting. Talk about an awesome boyfriend. How many boyfriends do you know who would take their girlfriends shooting?? I've wanted to learn how to handle a gun ever since I was a little kid watching John Wayne movies, but even more fun then the actual shooting was the chance to spend all afternoon with Paul. We got a lot of weird looks when we told people that we were going shooting as a dating activity, but really, it was awesome. Paul is a great teacher, and guns are cool. We shot handguns and rifles. Between the two, rifles are my favorite, but like I said, they are both very cool.

Next on the Major Events in Bethany's Life list, I changed majors. All I'll say about it tonight is that I'm going to Blackhawk next fall for Culinary Arts. I promise to write more soon, but I must go to bed because technically it's tomorrow already and I have a busy day planned. Happy Fourth, y'all!!

(PS) There is a mole named Melvin trapped in my window-well.